You know how sometimes, someone gives you a present, and you look at the gift in question and you think, I totally get why you think I'd like that, and you clearly get my taste, but this is just not happening for me, and you make mental plans to regift it to someone who may well react in exactly the same way? Or how a friend tries to set you up with a man/woman, because on paper you have so much in common, but when you meet you have the kind of missing chemistry that, were it 2003 and you were Iraq, would have precipitated a government cover-up?
The world of music has often offered such conundrums. Given my musical tastes, there are some acts that I feel I should have embraced- adored, even- but was left as cold by them as I am by the thought of a Siberian cross-country run. And here they are, in no particular order:
1) The Stone Roses
A band so pompous that I’m surprised they didn’t select audience members for ritual sacrifice during their concerts. Or perhaps they did; I wouldn’t know, because you couldn’t pay me to go to one.
2) Neil Young
I'll be honest- sometimes when I hear a Neil Young record I can't tell if I'm listening to an angsty wood-chopping folk-man or a middle-aged woman lamenting the lack of felt crafts at her local artisans fair.
"Stand in the place where you live. Now face west."
I hail from Bristol, where it was once the law to like trip-hop. I came of age to the melancholy beats of Portishead's Dummy and I still have a little crush on 3D from Massive Attack. But I just can't get on board with Tricky, no matter how hard I try. Maybe it's because I saw him in The Fifth Element.
5) Billy Bragg
Are you talking? Are you singing? Oh, you're doing both. Can you just make your mind up and stick to one, please? That includes you, The Streets.
Great lyrics, though.
When I was a fifteen year old, Doc Marten and plaid shirt wearing worshipper of grunge, living in a hick town in Pennsylvania, my friends would be all like, "hey Liz, do you want to come to mine and listen to some Mudhoney?" and I'd be all like "Yeah, that sounds awesome." Then I would eat all the simple carbohydrates in their house as I tried to go to a safe place in my head.
7) PJ Harvey
With album titles such as Let England Shake and Uh Huh Her, I feel as if I should have embraced PJ Harvey on writing skills alone. But her melodies have just never done it for me. I don't know. Maybe she should have shouted more, or something. but then I guess she'd be Courtney Love.
8) Bob Dylan
My Bob allegiance has always fallen down on the side of Marley. Not that there isn't room for two, but Blowin' in the Wind makes me want to blow something else. As in, my head, off. That said, Lay Lady Lay is a pretty great song. And Knockin' on Heaven's Door. And It Ain't Me, Babe.
Oh, hang on...
9) The Beatles
I'm sorry. But I just don't think they were as great as everyone says.
*Enters witness protection programme*